


Love Cuts A Million Ways

by angstysilver



Series: Through the Clouds I See Love Shine [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mpreg, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 06:59:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18773599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstysilver/pseuds/angstysilver
Summary: Billy knows as soon as he walks through the front door that something isn’t right.  It’s a skill he mastered at a young age living with Neil.





	Love Cuts A Million Ways

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to make a non-chronological series of timestamps glimpsing into Billy and Steve's lives from the Through the Clouds I See Love Shine verse. 
> 
> This timestamp is set in 1990 and Steve is still pregnant with Jo.
> 
> This was written rather quickly with minimal editing. Please excuse any mistakes.
> 
> The title is from "Cradle of Love" by Billy Joel (1990).
> 
> I don't own these characters and this was written just for fun.

Billy knows as soon as he walks through the front door that something isn’t right. It’s a skill he mastered at a young age living with Neil. Being able to sense the shift in the air, the subtle change in atmosphere before the storm, had saved his ass on more than one occasion through his teenage years. He isn’t sure what’s setting him off right now but he can tell that the silence in the house just isn’t a comfortable one. Billy eases the door closed and locks it. There’s a light on in the kitchen visible from down the front hall. 

“Steve?” He calls out, quickly shedding the fatigue that had settled around him during the drive home. There’s no answer as he makes his way into the kitchen. He finds the other man standing in the entrance to the kitchen, staring at the phone mounted on the wall. “Steve,” Billy says again, softly so as not to startle him.

Steve shakes his head, as if to clear it, and turns to face Billy. Billy frowns at the lost look that clouds his brown eyes for a moment before Steve masks it with a weak smile. “Oh, I didn’t hear you come in.” He leans in for a quick kiss, which Billy happily accepts. “How was your day?”

To anyone else, this might seem like a normal scene and they’d brush the earlier moment off as just a spacey lapse, maybe even jokingly say it was pregnancy brain. They’d probably happily start yapping away about their day and miss that there is definitely something going on. But Billy knows Steve better than anyone - had made it his business to study Steve over the years like he was earning a degree. So he easily picks up on the forced thread in his voice, the strained pinch at the corner of his eyes. He’s also a little pale, but Billy might be willing to chalk that up to the nausea, which had greatly improved since the start of his second trimester, but hadn’t gone away completely.

He catches hold of Steve’s wrist as he’s pulling away, probably to start on dinner, and keeps him close. He mirrors Steve’s expression when he raises his eyebrows in question. “What’s wrong?”

Steve frowns. “Nothing, I’m just trying to start dinner. Do you mind?” He emphasizes the last word with a tug on his wrist. Billy releases him but now he knows for sure that something is up. 

He watches in silence for a few minutes while Steve pulls various ingredients from the refrigerator and tosses them on the counter, now defiantly ignoring Billy’s presence. Billy pinches the bridge of his nose and feels the tiredness starting to creep back into his bones. Geezus, sometimes he actually misses his asshole years a little bit. Back then he would have told Steve to screw himself and let him sulk while Billy went upstairs to wash off the grime of working nine hours in a hot garage. It wouldn’t solve anything, of course, but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with Steve’s unwarranted attitude and could avoid the headache he can already feel starting to creep into his temples. He sighs. He isn’t that guy anymore. He loves Steve. So instead of telling his spouse to please kindly let him know when his briefs have untwisted themselves, he takes a deep breath and tries again.

By this point Steve is chopping vegetables rather aggressively, his back a rigged line of tension. “Steve, hey,” he says, trying to get his attention. Obviously the other man hears him, but doesn’t respond. “Come on, babe, I know something’s bothering you.”

Steve stops chopping and whirls around. Okay, well at least he isn’t ignoring him anymore. But Billy wonders if maybe that would be better when he notices the splotches of color in Steve’s cheeks and his narrowed eyes. “Oh, you know, do you?” Steve says, mockingly. “You think you know so much, but you don’t know shit, Billy!” His voice steadily rising until he shouts Billy’s names.

The heat of anger rushes through him so fast it’s like a flash fire - searing, consuming, and unnervingly natural. His heart pounds in his ears and he clenches his fists against the twitching in his muscles. Chasing behind the anger is a wave of something else that crashes into him and steals his breath - hurt. He forces himself to take a deep breath, warring with the desire to lash out at Steve in kind. He grinds his teeth, unsure of what will come out if he opens his mouth to speak.

He never gets a chance to say anything anyway because Steve’s face suddenly crumbles from the hard mask of anger and his eyes instantly overflow. He brings his hands up to stifle his sobs and Billy feels almost whiplashed by the abrupt change. Stunned, he just stares at Steve for a few beats before slowing making his way over to him. He reaches for him, telegraphing his moves and giving Steve time to pull away. But the other man launches himself into his arms, uncaring that Billy still has dirt and various oils smudged over 90% of his body, and cries even harder. Billy pulls his trembling body close, the rest of the anger bleeding from his system when he feels the tiny swell low in Steve’s abdomen press against his. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve chokes out between his hitching breaths. “I didn’t mean it.”

Billy shushes him and strokes his back. “You have to calm down,” he murmurs into his ear. “Take a deep breath for me, sweetheart.”

Steve complies and the sobs gradually dwindle down to sniffles. They stand there in silence for a few minutes, Billy leaning back against the counter with Steve’s face tucked into his neck. Billy slides his hands to Steve’s biceps and gently pushes him back a few inches to look at him. He almost regrets it, chest tightening when he sees those doe eyes he loves so much all wet and sad. Shit, but he hates it when Steve cries. It makes him feel so fucking helpless. 

“Please,” he says, and even he can detect the small fragment of desperation in his own voice. “Just tell me what’s wrong.” He leaves off the fact that he’ll do fucking anything to fix it - do anything to protect Steve and make sure he’s good. But he can’t do that if Steve won’t talk to him.

Steve drops his gaze to Billy’s chest. “I-”, he swallows thickly. “I was talking to my parents before you came in.”

Stomach tightening, Billy manages to bite back a curse, but just barely. Because this is actually something from which he can’t protect Steve. This isn’t like fighting off inter-dimensional monsters. Billy can’t shield Steve from the distance and indifference that has only grown worse over the years. Steve isn’t like Billy, who walked out of his old man’s house after graduation and never looked back, because Steve still tries with his parents. Granted, not as much as he had back in high school when he would call their hotels to check if they might actually come home for holidays and birthdays, but he does still kid himself into believing that one day they’ll take some sort of interest in his life. It hasn’t happened yet. Billy wishes he’d stop. He’s always a mess afterwards and it fucking rips Billy’s heart out to see him like that.

“I told them about the baby,” Steve continues in a small voice. “I..I just thought they should know they’re going to be grandparents.” He says it like he needs to defend himself, like he knows what Billy had been thinking just a second ago.

Billy sighs softly. He brushes some of the dark hair back that’s fallen over Steve’s forehead but doesn’t say anything. Steve meets his gaze and the lost look has returned to his eyes. “I told them my due date. Figured they’d have enough heads up for their schedules in case they wanted to....” He trails off and his eyes are starting to fill again. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “But I guess there’s a pretty big conference in February, so.” The tears have spilled over, tumbling down his cheeks. Billy uses his thumb to brush them away as they fall. “They said they’ll just start a college fund in the baby’s name.” He presses his face into Billy’s neck again and Billy can feel that the other man is crying in earnest again. 

Billy blows out a breath and looks to the ceiling, trying to stay calm. Typical of the fucking Harringtons. They had always thrown money at Steve, thinking that would atone for their increasing absence from his life. Billy could never figure out if they honestly thought the material things made up for their absentee parenting or if they just never cared. It actually doesn’t even matter. What matters is that they hurt Steve, repeatedly. And that’s something the would never sit right with Billy.

Steve takes a shaky breath, finally starting to calm down. “I’m so stupid,” he mutters into the hollow of Billy’s throat.

Billy tightens his hold. “No, you aren’t,” he argues forcefully. He hates hearing Steve talk down on himself almost as much as he despises seeing him cry. And as frustrating as it is to see Steve continue to put his heart out on a limb for his parents, he knows it’s probably normal. Even Billy had bent over backwards for Neil’s approval for far longer than he cares to admit. He was well into his teens before he realized that nothing he did would ever be good enough for the elder Hargrove.

“They just don’t care, Billy,” Steve states, brokenly.

“I know, baby, I know.” He caresses Steve’s back in the way he knows calms him, just trying to remind him that he’s there. 

Steve leans back slightly and eyes Billy with a serious expression. “Our parents are fucking assholes.”

This shocks a laugh out of Billy and helps to dispel the somber mood that has settled over them. The levity dulls a little when he looks down and his hand finds its way to Steve’s small belly, feeling the slight swell against the cup of his palm. At fourteen weeks Steve is barely showing - the physical changes only noticeable to those who know to look for them. 

He still gets dizzy with fear and breathless with anxiety sometimes when he thinks about being someone’s father. His stomach churns with nausea when he thinks about the possibility of turning out like Neil. He’s actually had nightmares about it. It’s just like that night at the Byers house but instead of Steve, it’s a little boy or girl that shares their features looking up at him with pleading eyes. He wakes up covered in cold sweat and bile rising in his throat with Steve snoring in the bed bedside him like he doesn’t know he’s sharing it with a violent monster. He’s always a mess the next day - shaken up and unsure of himself and his ability to be a good person, let alone a good parent. Sometimes it feels like the fear and doubt will slither their way up to devour him whole. But they never do. Because Steve knows; he somehow always knows how to pull Billy out when he starts sinking. He’s there with a small smile and a reminder that he couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. He says that if they’ve learned nothing else from their parents, they’ve learned how not to parent. And he tells Billy that whatever happens, they’ll figure it out together. It’s really mushy shit, but it always works. Like magic, Billy finds that he can breathe again.

He lifts his eyes to look into Steve’s. “They are assholes,” he acknowledges. “But we aren’t going to be anything like them. And I fucking mean that.” It’s a promise - to himself, to Steve, and to their unborn baby. 

Steve gives him a genuine smile for the first time since he walked through the door. Billy tells himself he’s just being a gooey sap when he feels his body flush with warmth at the sight. “I know,” Steve says, holding his gaze. He lays his hand on top of Billy’s still resting on his stomach and squeezes. “We’re going to be fine. And I fucking mean that.” 

It’s a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed. And I hope the whole series isn't so angsty. But the next two installments I have planned are, so...>.<
> 
> Anyways, thank you very much for reading. Please feel free to let me know what you think.


End file.
